boom. edit/forewarning: this is long.
What a title, right?
Definitely heavy on the opinions and emotions here. So let me set up this story for you.
Just this past weekend, I went to go visit a family member. It was a great time, as usual. We had the best food (a plethora of seafood one night, steak the next with authentic gelato for dessert, tons of delicious wine… gluttons or foodies? you decide), I was able to relax and get my nails done, and it was just an all-around good time.
Whenever you go see any family members, of course there are the people you don’t want to go see or could honestly care less about seeing – a crazy cousin, maybe an aunt or uncle, or perhaps some of your parents’ friends. I was signed up for one of these great experiences. Let me preface this by saying a few things.
- I can’t take intolerable people. Just can’t do it.
- I was already somewhat agitated since we were a few minutes behind my scheduled departure time… I’m anal-retentive about those things.
At any rate, we arrived at this person’s place of work, greeted one another, did the whole catching up thing. Until I see the look.
The look that I can’t stand, the one that many people have given me when they see the same thing, the ring on my left ring finger. The sign I’m committed to someone when my age apparently denies the fact that’s even possible.
To be blunt, I got chewed out.
And I got so angry that I, embarrassingly enough, started to cry, which gave this person even more of an agenda to claim the validity of his opinions consisting mainly of the fact that being with someone for a long length of time will change your view of them into that of a sibling.
So let me give a little advice to any other young couples out there who have experienced the same.
These things will make you second guess yourself. Especially if they’re constant.
The pressure of conforming, of being “normal,” of try/experience/reject/YOLO is so strong that it can break anything and everything. I don’t want to say “don’t let it,” but I do want to say this: if you know in your heart that you care about this person and want to put in all of the effort possible to make it work, ignore the haters.
I know how to take care of myself. I’m independent. I don’t let anyone dictate my goals, my wants, or my needs. A relationship is still a give and take, though. I haven’t sacrificed things that I’ve wanted because of my relationship, but we do have things to work through. We don’t agree on everything.
We have to communicate. All the time. We share responsibilities and live under the same roof; I can’t just shove things under the rug when he’s in the same space to look under it. If you’re not willing to put in work, to put in time, and to talk about everything that is bothering you, then don’t be in a relationship, young or not.
During the “let’s hate on young people in committed relationships” smack-down I went through, in addition to the others I have experienced, another theme is pretty prevalent: sex. How can you cope with (right? they actually say cope with!) having sex with the same person that you decide to spend the rest of your life with at 20? If that thought bothers you, don’t get engaged to that person. But to me, sex with that same person can only get old if you let it or if you don’t care.
In the end, maybe my case is special.
My fiancé is hardworking, smart, and motivated. He works hard, normally overtime at a job he enjoys. He’s like me. He sees what’s ahead, sees the places he can reach with his intelligence. I am so proud and love to brag about him (is that obvious?). He’s caring and has grown to be the best support system I could ever ask for. There was a time when he was afraid of my spontaneity with my life, with traveling and things like that. But through communication, he’s been able to be my right hand in just about anything. Why would I let that go just to experience someone else?
There is no one else like him, period. I am so proud of our relationship and everything we’ve gotten through together. We’re two old souls that just collided at the right time. He saved me when I needed to be saved. I taught him that it’s okay to be himself. I could never throw that away.
I can’t wait to marry my best friend. If you’re young and engaged, I hope you feel the same. 🙂